First World Solutions to First Nation Problems

1st Nation: I need to work on my limbs by climbing up trees.
1st World: No. Ride a bicycle. Better still, join gym club.

1st Nation: I’m going swimming in the river/lake/sea.
1st World: No, it’s dangerous. Go swim in the pool. We’ll build a pool, fill it with clean water & add lots of chlorine for your save swimming.

1st Nation: I’ll build a hut near the river/lake/sea.
1st World: We’ll build a mansion by the water, with swimming pool. We’ll chop down big trees that block our view & replace them with nice lawn.

1st Nation: I’m growing my own crop, fruit & vege around the house.
1st World: No no. You’ll ruin the look of your property & properties in the neighbourhood. We won’t allow that. You must put lawn around your house with beds of roses, hydrangea & dahlia to make your house look lovely.

1st Nation: I’m walking to the grocery store around the corner.
1st World: Why walk when you have car? And why shop at that local shop? The hypermarket 20-minute drive from here has everything from all over the world.

1st Nation: Please let us stay in our ancestral land. We’ll take care of the nature, for all of you, free of charge.
1st World: You either get out of here or we’ll kill you. Your zero carbon & methane footprint, self-sustainable living with nature and your guardianship of nature are hindering our Capitalistic ambition to fuck the world over.

1st Nation: Your solutions to First Nation problems are giving me headache.
1st World: Oh dear…. here’s Valium & Prozac and a glass of wine. It’ll cure your headache.